The taxonomy of room mates

January 23, 2008 at 8:28 pm Leave a comment

Previously posted on Sulekha


After having lived with room mates of all shape, size, color and behaviours, I feel compelled to classify them and list out their characteristics. And I am doing this for all those novices who will be stepping out of their comfortable homes for the first time and daring to live among these creatures.


Beauticia Perfectionalis

This kind of room mate thinks she is good at everything, and that there cannot be a talent she cannot master or a subject she cannot study. She will insist on decorating her space and yours in her way, claim that her boyfriend is incarnation of god on earth, and will even give you his phone number to pass on to your boy friend so that he can learn a couple of things. In the mean time, she will non stop tell you how perfect her relationship is and how the rest of us are doomed to never experience love in our lives. And then, she will proceed to re-organize your entire closet.


Stageca Enthusiastic

She will declare herself the organizer of any event that will happen in a 100 mile radius of your apartment. You will come home to constantly find strangers sitting around and eating YOUR snacks for a get-together she organized. If there is an event in the university, she will participate in 10 of the 9 events that were on the programme list. She will sing and dance on stage irrespective of whether she is getting tomatoes thrown at her. And then, there will be some idiot who will come and tell her how great she was so that she can start doing it all over again.


Smelly mouldica

As the name suggest, the first sign is the unsightly mold growing near her living area. This room mate is the sloppiest you will ever find, but is very clever at disguising the sloppiness. She will appear neat in public, taking care to wash her hands even if she has not done anything with it. And when you tell other people she is sloppy, they will just stare at you in disbelief till you invite them over and show the premises.


Whacky Weirdo

I believe they don’t have a Latin name for this type of room mates. They don’t need an explanation, just read the name. And I have come across them. What I am about to tell you is 100% true. I once had a room mate who woke me up in the middle of the night and told me that God had asked her to be friends with me. And then she changed her mind in the morning and decided I was her enemy. She started carrying her toilet paper in her bag(??) and stopped eating in front of us because we would cast an evil eye!


Scary Hitlerica

This room mate just gives you the creeps. You don’t want to mess with her, or else…… You just keep out of her way, give her what she wants and hope that she wont come after you.


Overly Friendlica

This one is friendly with everyone. So friendly that she expects you to bare your soul in front of her just because you told “Hi”. That is manageable, but then she will start telling you all her “innermost” secrets which will last hours and hours, and which you would have heard anyways from her other “close” friends. May not seem very harmful at first, but after a week of “sharing”, you just want to run away.


Mummy-Papa Dependica

This room mate has only geographically moved out of the house. Her parents will call you up to check on her, and even scold you when you have a fight with her. I had an encounter with this species once. In the university, around exam time, all of us work really late in the labs. So each of us has our own key so that we can come in without disturbing other. The darling of her parents, the room mate in question, forgot her keys. Instead of just knocking on the door, and letting one of us irritated souls open the door for her, she calls her parents who are in India, who in turn call us and blast us for locking their poor baby out of the apartment!


Room mate Idealis

They say this species is a myth, or it is so rare it has been considered extinct. This is the perfect room mate, who will make you soup when you are sick, wash the dishes on her turn and know when to come by and when to stay away. If you find one, don’t let go. But one dis-advantage is that this will not prepare you in any way for another species you will encounter called the HUSBAND.


Entry filed under: Random Banter.

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